I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
