I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
