every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize