I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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