The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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