I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
