Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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