we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize