go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Randomize