where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
