I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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