Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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