ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
