I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
