Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize