Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
