I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
