I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
