in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
