He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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