My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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