you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
