id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
