he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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