This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
