Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
