Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
