; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize