I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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