this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
