i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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