Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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