apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
