Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
