Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
