oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
