omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
