I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize