No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
