I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
