don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
