So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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