I hate your face
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize