you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
