fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
