I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
