Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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