That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
