The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
