i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
