Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize