I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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