It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
