I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize