Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
