He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
