shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
