why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
