Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize