Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
