dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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