I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ugly people sure do ruin things
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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