Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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