Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize