My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
