he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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