Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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