i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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