why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
