My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
