2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
