stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
